I have no real subject to post.
I have no profile pic I want to share.
I have no sleep.
I have nothing interesting to say.
"So why post?" I thought.
"Oh, yeah," I remembered, "because I promised myself and someone else I would."
Sometimes I hate promises, too.
Just yesterday a friend complained that he'd been up "all night" because his baby son was teething. I simply raised my eyebrows, because "all night" meant sporadic sleep. Even sporadic sleep is preferable to my few, interrupted hours of sleep. I don't know what I'd give nowadays for 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep. My long days, late nights, early mornings are draining. But, that's life for now.
And after all, it isn't a bad life by any means whatsoever.
It's just a sleepless one.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
"No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"
Or so I've been told.
Wow, whatever happened to, "No good deed goes unnoticed," or "No good deed goes unrewarded," or even, "Every good deed is its own reward"? Hmmmm...not so much.
So, yeah, today I got TOTALLY (say it in the Valley Girl voice) burned for truly thanking someone for going above and beyond to help me with a very difficult issue. What do I get in return? The thanks shoved back in my face. Hard. Wait, did I not get this right? Did I say the wrong words? When did "Thank You" become evil?
In modern society, as we become harsher, ruder, and taking things for granted, I really wanted keep some civility in life. I decided years ago I'd be more thankful, and I have. It's been nothing but gratifying for me, not to mention others. I make an effort to have some sort of manners; it seems to be a dying art. And to those who may know me and disagree, rest assured, I'm working on it.
Does an ungrateful attitude stop me from thanking them? No. Would I do it again? Yes - and again, and again, and again. I feel for those who can't accept an ounce of gratitude to brighten their day, for if they can't do that, very little CAN.
Yeah, and we wonder why polls say Americans are becoming ruder.
Wow, whatever happened to, "No good deed goes unnoticed," or "No good deed goes unrewarded," or even, "Every good deed is its own reward"? Hmmmm...not so much.
So, yeah, today I got TOTALLY (say it in the Valley Girl voice) burned for truly thanking someone for going above and beyond to help me with a very difficult issue. What do I get in return? The thanks shoved back in my face. Hard. Wait, did I not get this right? Did I say the wrong words? When did "Thank You" become evil?
In modern society, as we become harsher, ruder, and taking things for granted, I really wanted keep some civility in life. I decided years ago I'd be more thankful, and I have. It's been nothing but gratifying for me, not to mention others. I make an effort to have some sort of manners; it seems to be a dying art. And to those who may know me and disagree, rest assured, I'm working on it.
Does an ungrateful attitude stop me from thanking them? No. Would I do it again? Yes - and again, and again, and again. I feel for those who can't accept an ounce of gratitude to brighten their day, for if they can't do that, very little CAN.
Yeah, and we wonder why polls say Americans are becoming ruder.
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Pursuit of Happiness
Yes, I've ignored you long enough, blog. I've ignored you because I don't want to simply post something about myself, because it would only be a long string of problems, complaints, self-pity, etc. I don't dignify that with a post. Plus, how horribly boring would that be to read (even to myself)?
So, I'm happy to report that I got what I deserved: a kick in the pants! We all sometimes need the proverbial slap in the face to sometimes see beyond ourselves. I think I was actually looking for it this time, so I'm more than happy to find it. I'm sure most people have heard the saying about someone who complains that he has no shoes until he meets someone who has no feet. Yeah, it's something like that. See, I've been trying to get past a lot of hurdles: my unemployment, my daughter's medical condition (yes, that'll be a future post), ongoing battles with the insurance company, financial insecurity, failure of my own business endeavors, etc. Few people who are aware of my situation actually ask me, "How can you be happy?" The truth is, how could I not be?
For example, today I learned of a simple man here in the US from Burundi. One look at him will tell you he is a suffered soul. Ask him how old he is, and he will tell you he isn't exactly sure, and that's the truth, but he is in his mid 30's, as I am. He lost his father when he was 4, and doesn't know, to this day, if his mother is alive. He grew up in a refugee camp for 11 years. I learned of his hardships going from country to country, trying to eek out a living, let alone a life. He now works what we all would consider a menial job, yet he is happy. He is happy because he is allowed to live his life and provide for his family in peace. He has never before known the right of pursuing his own happiness.
I remind others, knowing of my situation or not, that you can strive to be happy every day. It's a privilege to have the constitutional right of the "pursuit of happiness". Of course, this does not ensure happiness, but you can seek it if you so desire. As I listen to others, many are blissfully unaware that the majority of the world does not have this privilege. We take for granted what more than half the world yearns for. You have the blessing of living one more day! If you can read this post, then you have more than most people in this world. Be thankful, be loving, be kind. It makes the world of difference to yourself, and who knows - it may even brighten someone else's day.
So, I'm happy to report that I got what I deserved: a kick in the pants! We all sometimes need the proverbial slap in the face to sometimes see beyond ourselves. I think I was actually looking for it this time, so I'm more than happy to find it. I'm sure most people have heard the saying about someone who complains that he has no shoes until he meets someone who has no feet. Yeah, it's something like that. See, I've been trying to get past a lot of hurdles: my unemployment, my daughter's medical condition (yes, that'll be a future post), ongoing battles with the insurance company, financial insecurity, failure of my own business endeavors, etc. Few people who are aware of my situation actually ask me, "How can you be happy?" The truth is, how could I not be?
For example, today I learned of a simple man here in the US from Burundi. One look at him will tell you he is a suffered soul. Ask him how old he is, and he will tell you he isn't exactly sure, and that's the truth, but he is in his mid 30's, as I am. He lost his father when he was 4, and doesn't know, to this day, if his mother is alive. He grew up in a refugee camp for 11 years. I learned of his hardships going from country to country, trying to eek out a living, let alone a life. He now works what we all would consider a menial job, yet he is happy. He is happy because he is allowed to live his life and provide for his family in peace. He has never before known the right of pursuing his own happiness.
I remind others, knowing of my situation or not, that you can strive to be happy every day. It's a privilege to have the constitutional right of the "pursuit of happiness". Of course, this does not ensure happiness, but you can seek it if you so desire. As I listen to others, many are blissfully unaware that the majority of the world does not have this privilege. We take for granted what more than half the world yearns for. You have the blessing of living one more day! If you can read this post, then you have more than most people in this world. Be thankful, be loving, be kind. It makes the world of difference to yourself, and who knows - it may even brighten someone else's day.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Love Conquers All
We've all hear that in some way, shape, or form...right?
Right.
I am hardly one who's prone to cry. Anyone close to me knows that. But today I couldn't help myself. I cried, and cried, but not for all the troublesome things I'm currently going through. I don't cry for that because it's pointless. I cried because of unexpected, unconditional love and friendship.
Really, this blessing couldn't have come at a better time. Yes, things are tough. My daughter's medical issues don't seem to have an end in sight. No, she isn't getting better. I need to find work to cover these mounting expenses. This isn't a unique story by any means. Yeah, and there's a lot of other stuff, too...blah, blah, blah.
But tonight, as I put my son to bed, he prayed for me. It was so genuine, sweet, and unexpected. I feel so blessed to be a recipient of his empathy.
And just a few days ago, I reconnected with a friend from 10 years ago. I tracked him down for a professional reference I'll need on my job quest. Really? How do 10 years pass so quickly? When I talked to him, it's as if no time had passed. He's one of those few friends who are simply your friend for the sake of friendship - not because you can do something for them, not because they're under your obligation, not even because of necessity. Just because. And I LOVE that. You cannot find many people like that in a lifetime. Little does he know that he was, for a short period, my mentor, a little bit of a father figure (for lack of having a good one of my own), and best of all, someone with whom you can be completely transparent and honest. It was touching when he told me he kept a gift from a decade ago, or the recipe I had given him. I could hardly believe the regard he had for me because, and I'll admit it, there is no reason for it.
And you know what else? I get to nibble on some pretty awesome chocolates another friend gave me for no reason at all. Just because. He's probably a better friend to me than I am to him. I hope one day to return the favor because he deserves that kind of friendship he's shown to me, even when I didn't deserve it.
But if you think about it, true love and friendship aren't things given because one is deserving. It is simply GIVEN.
Right.
I am hardly one who's prone to cry. Anyone close to me knows that. But today I couldn't help myself. I cried, and cried, but not for all the troublesome things I'm currently going through. I don't cry for that because it's pointless. I cried because of unexpected, unconditional love and friendship.
Really, this blessing couldn't have come at a better time. Yes, things are tough. My daughter's medical issues don't seem to have an end in sight. No, she isn't getting better. I need to find work to cover these mounting expenses. This isn't a unique story by any means. Yeah, and there's a lot of other stuff, too...blah, blah, blah.
But tonight, as I put my son to bed, he prayed for me. It was so genuine, sweet, and unexpected. I feel so blessed to be a recipient of his empathy.
And just a few days ago, I reconnected with a friend from 10 years ago. I tracked him down for a professional reference I'll need on my job quest. Really? How do 10 years pass so quickly? When I talked to him, it's as if no time had passed. He's one of those few friends who are simply your friend for the sake of friendship - not because you can do something for them, not because they're under your obligation, not even because of necessity. Just because. And I LOVE that. You cannot find many people like that in a lifetime. Little does he know that he was, for a short period, my mentor, a little bit of a father figure (for lack of having a good one of my own), and best of all, someone with whom you can be completely transparent and honest. It was touching when he told me he kept a gift from a decade ago, or the recipe I had given him. I could hardly believe the regard he had for me because, and I'll admit it, there is no reason for it.
And you know what else? I get to nibble on some pretty awesome chocolates another friend gave me for no reason at all. Just because. He's probably a better friend to me than I am to him. I hope one day to return the favor because he deserves that kind of friendship he's shown to me, even when I didn't deserve it.
But if you think about it, true love and friendship aren't things given because one is deserving. It is simply GIVEN.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
It's Just Not Enough / Self-Pity Ramblings
I have spent the last few weeks in a perpetual cycle of all things "Not Being Enough". It is exhausting mentally, especially emotionally, and sometimes physically.
As I ready myself to prepare our taxes, I estimate that our tax return just "won't be enough" to cover all these other expenses that keep popping up like pop-ups on an internet browser.
My little side business "just isn't enough" to cover more expenses incurred with my daughter's healthcare. As I manage the family's budget, it is more than evident that our current status "just won't be enough" to cover anything. So now, after giving everything I have of myself to the family, I resign myself to the working world again. I'm sure the adventures of my job search will inspire another post.
After many weeks of my daughter doing (what I thought was) better, the doctor informs me her progress "just isn't enough" to be considered adequate.
And for the proverbial cherry on top, after all those miles of running and working out, the scale tells me the weight lost "just isn't enough", either. But those are my standards. I'm at least happy that I'm healthy again, and certainly not overweight.
So what happens when you give every last ounce of all you have, just to not be "Enough"? Then again, will it ever be?
Of course, the Patriots losing the SuperBowl didn't help, but I'm happy it had nothing to do with me (at least).
As I ready myself to prepare our taxes, I estimate that our tax return just "won't be enough" to cover all these other expenses that keep popping up like pop-ups on an internet browser.
My little side business "just isn't enough" to cover more expenses incurred with my daughter's healthcare. As I manage the family's budget, it is more than evident that our current status "just won't be enough" to cover anything. So now, after giving everything I have of myself to the family, I resign myself to the working world again. I'm sure the adventures of my job search will inspire another post.
After many weeks of my daughter doing (what I thought was) better, the doctor informs me her progress "just isn't enough" to be considered adequate.
And for the proverbial cherry on top, after all those miles of running and working out, the scale tells me the weight lost "just isn't enough", either. But those are my standards. I'm at least happy that I'm healthy again, and certainly not overweight.
So what happens when you give every last ounce of all you have, just to not be "Enough"? Then again, will it ever be?
Of course, the Patriots losing the SuperBowl didn't help, but I'm happy it had nothing to do with me (at least).
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I Am Not My Mother's Daughter
Yeah, so what.
My mother is quiet, predictable. She doesn't like change. She doesn't care for sports. She's happy in her own, quiet place. She's not adventurous. She hates trying new things. She avoids confrontation of any kind. She doesn't learn new things easily, neither does she really want to.
I, on the other hand, like to be impulsive. Change doesn't bother me much. I can't stand the same rut. I love to watch and play sports whenever I can. I'm restless; I love to travel. New things are like attractive, shiny objects I must try, whether it be situation or tangible object. No one likes confrontations, but I'll brave it without much hesitation. I easily learn something new. Actually, I always seek to learn something new because I feel my brain rotting without new knowledge of some/any kind.
That really makes me my father's daughter, I guess.
But she did give me some pretty awesome traits: we're mighty patient, kind, empathetic, giving, and share a talent for music.
So that's what I thought of when her birthday rolled around this January. I bought her tickets to see Renee Flemming & the RI Philharmonic. I knew she'd appreciate a fine orchestra paired with the best soprano of the moment. I bought a pair of tickets, and told her to bring a friend, even though I knew she wouldn't, and I would chauffeur them. But I gave her the chance, anyway, to attempt to do something different with someone else instead of myself. As predicted, she preferred I go.
The performance didn't disappoint! It was marvelous! The selections were completely enthralling, powerful, emotional. My mother was speechless throughout. I could see her mind drifting back 50 years ago when she herself enjoyed music more personally and profoundly. I wanted to give back a small part of a good episode in her life, and I think I managed to do that in a most positive way.
My hope my daughter will someday do the same for me.
My mother is quiet, predictable. She doesn't like change. She doesn't care for sports. She's happy in her own, quiet place. She's not adventurous. She hates trying new things. She avoids confrontation of any kind. She doesn't learn new things easily, neither does she really want to.
I, on the other hand, like to be impulsive. Change doesn't bother me much. I can't stand the same rut. I love to watch and play sports whenever I can. I'm restless; I love to travel. New things are like attractive, shiny objects I must try, whether it be situation or tangible object. No one likes confrontations, but I'll brave it without much hesitation. I easily learn something new. Actually, I always seek to learn something new because I feel my brain rotting without new knowledge of some/any kind.
That really makes me my father's daughter, I guess.
But she did give me some pretty awesome traits: we're mighty patient, kind, empathetic, giving, and share a talent for music.
So that's what I thought of when her birthday rolled around this January. I bought her tickets to see Renee Flemming & the RI Philharmonic. I knew she'd appreciate a fine orchestra paired with the best soprano of the moment. I bought a pair of tickets, and told her to bring a friend, even though I knew she wouldn't, and I would chauffeur them. But I gave her the chance, anyway, to attempt to do something different with someone else instead of myself. As predicted, she preferred I go.
The performance didn't disappoint! It was marvelous! The selections were completely enthralling, powerful, emotional. My mother was speechless throughout. I could see her mind drifting back 50 years ago when she herself enjoyed music more personally and profoundly. I wanted to give back a small part of a good episode in her life, and I think I managed to do that in a most positive way.
My hope my daughter will someday do the same for me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Must...keep...resolutions!
Seriously, January's almost over, but I can barely believe it's begun.
So I ask myself, "Will I ever catch up with the present?" Well, what's so bad about living in the past, right?
I'm forcibly posting in order to keep up with my resolution to start (and therefore) keep this blog going. That was resolution number 5, I think.
Resolution number 1 is to finish what I start. I don't have a problem with that. I hate half-assed anything. But in order for me to keep any subsequent resolutions, I know I had #1 to answer to first and foremost.
Resolution number 2 was something absurdly stupid, yet immensely gratifying. If you haven't already played Words With Friends on your iPhone, iPad, or whatever else device...then what are you waiting for! I've been playing it for some time, and am rarely beaten. What an ego boost! Well, until I encountered Erik Scalavino from Patriots Football Weekly on Twitter (@PFWErik). He will beat you senseless. So I resolved I would defeat this word champ, and defeat I did! Yes, it only took, um, a bazillion games. But I won! The game immediately after my victory was the most humiliating defeat, though. I'm glad I resolved to only win once.
Resolution number 3 was to hit the hay before midnight. That isn't going so well, but at least I'm trying! It works, like, 30% of the week.
Resolution number 4 is to run a 5K race. There's no improvement in that department yet. I still run 1 - 1.5 miles on the treadmill. I need that number to go up. I'm working on it. But all the pilates, yoga, cardio, toning workouts are still going on as strong or better than before. I just need to get into a running groove, you know?
Resolution number 5 is, as mentioned above, to start/keep this blog. It all seems a bunch of nonsense now, I know. The real reason to keep the blog is related to my daughter. Those are some pretty immense posts I have yet to do, hoping to muster up the courage to share myself and this ordeal with the world. I've been asked to do this for over a year, but haven't had any courage to do so until now. That's when I decided 2012 would be a year for more courage, a year of change - not spare change - of which I will speak of.
Later.
So...
How are YOUR resolutions holding?
So I ask myself, "Will I ever catch up with the present?" Well, what's so bad about living in the past, right?
I'm forcibly posting in order to keep up with my resolution to start (and therefore) keep this blog going. That was resolution number 5, I think.
Resolution number 1 is to finish what I start. I don't have a problem with that. I hate half-assed anything. But in order for me to keep any subsequent resolutions, I know I had #1 to answer to first and foremost.
Resolution number 2 was something absurdly stupid, yet immensely gratifying. If you haven't already played Words With Friends on your iPhone, iPad, or whatever else device...then what are you waiting for! I've been playing it for some time, and am rarely beaten. What an ego boost! Well, until I encountered Erik Scalavino from Patriots Football Weekly on Twitter (@PFWErik). He will beat you senseless. So I resolved I would defeat this word champ, and defeat I did! Yes, it only took, um, a bazillion games. But I won! The game immediately after my victory was the most humiliating defeat, though. I'm glad I resolved to only win once.
Resolution number 3 was to hit the hay before midnight. That isn't going so well, but at least I'm trying! It works, like, 30% of the week.
Resolution number 4 is to run a 5K race. There's no improvement in that department yet. I still run 1 - 1.5 miles on the treadmill. I need that number to go up. I'm working on it. But all the pilates, yoga, cardio, toning workouts are still going on as strong or better than before. I just need to get into a running groove, you know?
Resolution number 5 is, as mentioned above, to start/keep this blog. It all seems a bunch of nonsense now, I know. The real reason to keep the blog is related to my daughter. Those are some pretty immense posts I have yet to do, hoping to muster up the courage to share myself and this ordeal with the world. I've been asked to do this for over a year, but haven't had any courage to do so until now. That's when I decided 2012 would be a year for more courage, a year of change - not spare change - of which I will speak of.
Later.
So...
How are YOUR resolutions holding?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I Need a Reason to Run
Why? The list is so long, but primarily because it's one of my Resolutions (with a capital "R", mind you).
It's not like I haven't run before. I exercise 3 - 5 times a week, anyway. I just find it boring, mostly because it's me. And only me. Oh yes, and the treadmill. I long to run outside, but can't for what seem like infinite reasons. So I run for a mile, up to 1.5, then stop, and not because I'm tired, but I stop out of boredom.
But my resolution is to run a 5K race. Can I really stick to this one? Where's my inspiration? What's my motivation? My own resolve? Oops, I may have to find a better reason that that!
Oh, and a special mention to: Kit, John, and The Oatmeal who I inadvertently found out are runners only after following them on Twitter. You occasionally remind me to keep my butt running. Thanks.
It's not like I haven't run before. I exercise 3 - 5 times a week, anyway. I just find it boring, mostly because it's me. And only me. Oh yes, and the treadmill. I long to run outside, but can't for what seem like infinite reasons. So I run for a mile, up to 1.5, then stop, and not because I'm tired, but I stop out of boredom.
But my resolution is to run a 5K race. Can I really stick to this one? Where's my inspiration? What's my motivation? My own resolve? Oops, I may have to find a better reason that that!
Oh, and a special mention to: Kit, John, and The Oatmeal who I inadvertently found out are runners only after following them on Twitter. You occasionally remind me to keep my butt running. Thanks.
Friday, January 6, 2012
"In the beginning..."
...there was a longstanding resolution.
Then procrastination was king.
But now there's been a coup d'etat, and I've promised myself, as I did 5 years ago...
...that I would finally start my blog.
And I looked down upon it and said, "That'sgood."
No, "That's okay."
Then procrastination was king.
But now there's been a coup d'etat, and I've promised myself, as I did 5 years ago...
...that I would finally start my blog.
And I looked down upon it and said, "That's
No, "That's okay."
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